Remember the good old days when you went to the movie theater and the only commercials you saw were the dancing soda and hotdog urging you to hit the snack bar and trailers for upcoming movies? Those days are gone. Now not only do you get bombarded with a slide show offering teeth whitening at the local dentistry but before you get to see the trailers, you get giant screen adverts for cell phones, soda pop and an invite to be "An Army of One". Hell fire, my popcorn is gone before the opening credits run for the movie I've forgotten I came to see. If I want to see commercials... I'll watch TV. At least list the correct time my movie is gonna begin so I can arrive after the sales pitch is finished... grrrrrrrr!
Another happy little day killer is telemarketers. I received a call from a credit card company recently informing me that I was such a good customer they wanted to up my credit and lower my interest on another card... hmmm... I ain't never owned a credit card. The lady on the phone kept call'n me.. "Mrs. So n So". I asked her what my first name is. She couldn't tell me... so I gently chew'd her bumm out and told her if she was gonna lie.. make it a good one and hung up.
Now those of you that know me... know I have a bit of a temper when provoked. God knew that and as in all of nature, He put warning labels on those creatures that are most dangerous... hence the red hair. Well I'd been the favorite of several telemarketers that day so I was on a short fuse. Generally it takes a great deal to set my fire and by now I was ablazen. I do however try to feign kindness and patience with most folks and I try to remember that my precious daughter was employed as a telemarketer for a period of time. Thank God we extracted her and the deprogammer did a successful job. Hanging up was not working.. anger wasn't working.. so I decided to try humor. As some of you know I do have a twisted sense of humor. I inherited it from my son. I'm gonna share a few of my secrets with you of get'n rid of or at least having some fun with future telemarketers.
"Hello Mz So n So with Such n Such Company. How are you today? (like they really give a fly'n monkey's ass how I'm doing)
"Won't take up too much of your time today but I wanted to share you this wonderful offer that is only being presented to our very best customers" (My gawd have they been following me at Wal-Mart? Snort! And all my friends told me I was just being paranoid... I knew it.)
"We know you are an educated consumer and we are impressed with your purchasing history, so out of all the people in the world we can irritate this evening"... WE CHOSE YOU! (Well now ain't I one lucky bitch!)
Now here comes the pitch.
"For a short time only you can purchase our highest qualilty (insert here the crappy product) Now remember Ms So n So, this offer is exclusive to you and the clock is ticking so you need to order right away." (O shit! I gotta pawn something quick!)
Well I don't really have to go any further... ya'll all been there squirming on the receiving end of that conversation. So let's get on with some tried and true methods of returning the squirm.
If your short on time and don't feel like playing with your prey these are for you;
I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm taking a dump. (click)
I'm sorry, I accidently brushed my tooth with Preparation H and I can't talk. (click)
Dammit I was just about to cum! (click)
Honey I ate some hot sauce and my ass is on fire and unless your sellin butt cream I can't talk to you now. (click)
Well you get the picture.
Some sure fire, tried and true ways to get them to hang up on you;
Mmmm darlin, you got a sexy voice... could you hold on so's I can get my vibrator?
What cha wear'n?
OOOOOOOO yeah baby....keep talk'n I'm almost there.....ooooommmmyyyygawdddddddddd!
Are you touching yourself too?
I don't know you but I'd like to. Give me your number.
I'm busy right now can you call me back when I'm not home?
This is a bad time why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back when I have more time.
No this is not the lady of the house, but when I finish doing her husband, I'll leave her a note to tell her you called.
Rick is that you? I've been trying to call you for months. Honey you're gonna be a daddy!
Rick is that YOU? I've been trying to reach you. The doctor said I'm supposed to call everyone and let you know its not a STD... woooohoooo!
Well, I think these will help you get started.
later darlins....
Another happy little day killer is telemarketers. I received a call from a credit card company recently informing me that I was such a good customer they wanted to up my credit and lower my interest on another card... hmmm... I ain't never owned a credit card. The lady on the phone kept call'n me.. "Mrs. So n So". I asked her what my first name is. She couldn't tell me... so I gently chew'd her bumm out and told her if she was gonna lie.. make it a good one and hung up.
Now those of you that know me... know I have a bit of a temper when provoked. God knew that and as in all of nature, He put warning labels on those creatures that are most dangerous... hence the red hair. Well I'd been the favorite of several telemarketers that day so I was on a short fuse. Generally it takes a great deal to set my fire and by now I was ablazen. I do however try to feign kindness and patience with most folks and I try to remember that my precious daughter was employed as a telemarketer for a period of time. Thank God we extracted her and the deprogammer did a successful job. Hanging up was not working.. anger wasn't working.. so I decided to try humor. As some of you know I do have a twisted sense of humor. I inherited it from my son. I'm gonna share a few of my secrets with you of get'n rid of or at least having some fun with future telemarketers.
"Hello Mz So n So with Such n Such Company. How are you today? (like they really give a fly'n monkey's ass how I'm doing)
"Won't take up too much of your time today but I wanted to share you this wonderful offer that is only being presented to our very best customers" (My gawd have they been following me at Wal-Mart? Snort! And all my friends told me I was just being paranoid... I knew it.)
"We know you are an educated consumer and we are impressed with your purchasing history, so out of all the people in the world we can irritate this evening"... WE CHOSE YOU! (Well now ain't I one lucky bitch!)
Now here comes the pitch.
"For a short time only you can purchase our highest qualilty (insert here the crappy product) Now remember Ms So n So, this offer is exclusive to you and the clock is ticking so you need to order right away." (O shit! I gotta pawn something quick!)
Well I don't really have to go any further... ya'll all been there squirming on the receiving end of that conversation. So let's get on with some tried and true methods of returning the squirm.
If your short on time and don't feel like playing with your prey these are for you;
I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm taking a dump. (click)
I'm sorry, I accidently brushed my tooth with Preparation H and I can't talk. (click)
Dammit I was just about to cum! (click)
Honey I ate some hot sauce and my ass is on fire and unless your sellin butt cream I can't talk to you now. (click)
Well you get the picture.
Some sure fire, tried and true ways to get them to hang up on you;
Mmmm darlin, you got a sexy voice... could you hold on so's I can get my vibrator?
What cha wear'n?
OOOOOOOO yeah baby....keep talk'n I'm almost there.....ooooommmmyyyygawdddddddddd!
Are you touching yourself too?
I don't know you but I'd like to. Give me your number.
I'm busy right now can you call me back when I'm not home?
This is a bad time why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back when I have more time.
No this is not the lady of the house, but when I finish doing her husband, I'll leave her a note to tell her you called.
Rick is that you? I've been trying to call you for months. Honey you're gonna be a daddy!
Rick is that YOU? I've been trying to reach you. The doctor said I'm supposed to call everyone and let you know its not a STD... woooohoooo!
Well, I think these will help you get started.
later darlins....
1 comment:
Oh, you're hilarious! I love the sexy voice one! I also like having a bit of fun with telemarketers, and I think I'm going to write about now (as soon as my coffee brews....I just took my youngest to kindergarten, and it's -10C/14F).
Post a Comment