I received another email today from a friend that wanted clarification about an incident that happened before I moved to Oklahoma... damn this stuff follows me around.
My former manager decided she needed to take her vacation a week before I was scheduled to quit my job at Wal-Mart Vision Center in Hillsboro, Texas. I was planning to head down to Port Lavaca as soon as I clocked out. I'd gotten up early and stuffed some clothes in my backpack...Which is so totally unlike me as anyone who knows me.. Knows how anal I am about packing. I hadn't packed because this was a last minute trip and Sprite, Kat and I had spent way too much time the previous night at the Frog. I still was 45 minutes early for work. I've only been late to work twice before, once due to a wreck that I had witnessed and once because I had a tire blowout. In all fairness to myself, the time of the tire incident, I clocked in 5 minutes late. Thank gawd for farmers... And short skirts or I'd still be sitting there. I pulled up into the parking lot... got the sweet parking spot and went to kill my engine. Something didn't feel right. First, I should tell you, I have electronic locks on my car... the kind that unlocks when you put the car in park and turn off the engine. The key would not turn all the way off and the locks didn't.. ya know.. unlock. I thought to myself.. I musta not put it in park.. I looked.. yeah it was in park. I had visions of the car rolling into some expensive vehicle and I'd have to pawn one of my grandsons to pay for the damage.. so I figured I'd try the whole process over again... same results. I'm still cool.. and thought well this piece of shit is just feelin her oats.. I'll mess with it when I get off work. I grab'd my purse and the papers that I had been working on for Barbara.. grasped the door handle and gave the door a shove with my shoulder... which was a stupid idea in the first place since I had been in gawd awful pain with my back, neck and shoulder for the last month. I was met with absolute resistance... not only did the door not open.. but I nearly blacked out from the pain. Shortly after I could focus again and I talked my lungs into breathing again, I realized.. "dumbass the damn door is locked". I'm pretty quick at times. This was just not one of those times. I looked around to see if there were anyone in the parking lot that I knew.. yeah but they weren't looking... whew! No biggie... just reach up and unlock the manual slide lock on the door.... It didn't budge. It didn't wiggle. It was stuck in sorta less than half unlocked position. Anyway.. it was STILL locked. I tried this manuver several times without budging it either forward or backwards. Now, not only am I hurting... I'm pissed. I called the car just about every dirty word and phrase I could muster. I began formulating several escape plans. One being.. I'll just roll down the window and climb out, however that idea quickly lost its glamour when I got to thinking of possible outcomes of that particular means of escape. I am a very visual person... Give me a suggestion... I can see it...And right now I did not like what I was see'n. I was wearing a short denim skirt and a light blue button up blouse. Now, much to the chagrin of my daughter... I don't wear panties. As a creature of habit... I was not wearing any that morning either. I didn't have much strength in my left side before I tried to break out of the car and I possessed even less now. I could see myself attempting the climb, my arm slip'n and I'd fall out of the window my foot get'n caught in the stirring wheel and I'd be hangin there... my head on the asphalt.. skirt up... no panties... well you get the picture. I began working on another plan... one that didn't involve accrobatics and exposing Miss Kitty to my co-workers. Aaaha! Why didn't I think of this before... call Bear!! He's a mechanic... he can get me out of this prison. I just love cell phones. I called him.. He answered... I told him... He laughed so hard he cut me off... He calls back... He asks, "Babe, you did what?" (laugh..laugh.. laughhhh... hysterical laughter) HE'S IN HOUSTON! He had the gaul to ask me, "Babe, why did you do that?" (I'm now devising a plan to hurt him... but I need his help so I put that particular venture on hold) He tells me to reach over and push open the lock. Speaking slowly, through my teeth I tell him, "I'm not stupid, we were married near 27 years, have you ever known me to be STUPID?" A pregnant pause... He told me to start the car, put it in gear and try it again. I've already done that.. but perhaps once more will do the trick. Did it. It didn't. I back up... I pull forward. I roll the window down. Here comes the kicker... the man tells me, "Babe, reach out and see if you can open it from the outside." Ok, now if I could open it from the outside with it locked, what's the purpose of locking it? Low and freak'n behold.. it still didn't open. I'm about to cry. I was gonna cry earlier but stayed myself. NOW I'm really gonna cry. Bear tells me, he has no idea what to do, he'll call me back and hangs up. HE HUNG UP!!! I'm locked in the car and he hangs up! I can multitask.. so I return to the plan to inflict harm on his person as I continue to whine, panic and push on the door. I decided to try the backing up thing again and found with the engine turned and in reverse I could manually unlock the door. YIPPI!!!!!!!!! I opened the door while still in reverse and pulled forward. I am freeeeeeeeeee! I was scheduled for 8 AM.. it is now 8:15. I went to the Associate lounge and poured me a cup of coffee and decided I was going to smoke a cigarette. My cell rings... I could tell he was still laughing. He asked if I were still trapped. I very sweetly told him "No, I got out, thank you". I've not given up on the pain thing for him at this time. I clock in and discover the register monitor has blown. Now, on another day that might have put me into a bad mood, but since I was now a free woman , I could laugh at it and did.
I make it through that day trying to make up some really creative lies that would explain as to why I was late for work. But I remembered that Bear's fiance works at the same Wal-Mart. Holy shit! It was gonna be told and still I wasn't so sure I hadn't been seen in the parking lot. I've found that when you know ur gonna be found out, its best to out yourself first. So I told the story about my morning events at lunch in the lounge. By my next break, several came up to me wanting clarification as to how I locked myself out of my car. Gawd! I had to verbally go through the whole sickening story over and over and... Several gentleman offered their services in case I were to ever lock myself IN my car again.
I'm trying to decide as to if I should tell Billy what he's getting himself into being as the wedding is only two weeks away. Sprite picks me up as soon as I clocked out and even though I had told her the story when she called at lunch... she made me relive the whole painful thing. Just as we were pulling into LaGrange, Billy phones my cell. I told him I'd understand if he changed his mind about marrying me. He was sweet and said he'd take his chances. I'm relieved. What a great guy. Great guy MY ASS! He called my son, Steven and told him play by play. Calls me back to gloat! On top of that.. he went into a chat room that we frequent, which has friends from all over the world in it and tells it there! I married him anyway. He deserves to be tortured for the rest of his life.
I am only telling.. retelling the painful story so that hopefully I have set the record straight... Yes, I locked myself IN the car!
later darlins...
My former manager decided she needed to take her vacation a week before I was scheduled to quit my job at Wal-Mart Vision Center in Hillsboro, Texas. I was planning to head down to Port Lavaca as soon as I clocked out. I'd gotten up early and stuffed some clothes in my backpack...Which is so totally unlike me as anyone who knows me.. Knows how anal I am about packing. I hadn't packed because this was a last minute trip and Sprite, Kat and I had spent way too much time the previous night at the Frog. I still was 45 minutes early for work. I've only been late to work twice before, once due to a wreck that I had witnessed and once because I had a tire blowout. In all fairness to myself, the time of the tire incident, I clocked in 5 minutes late. Thank gawd for farmers... And short skirts or I'd still be sitting there. I pulled up into the parking lot... got the sweet parking spot and went to kill my engine. Something didn't feel right. First, I should tell you, I have electronic locks on my car... the kind that unlocks when you put the car in park and turn off the engine. The key would not turn all the way off and the locks didn't.. ya know.. unlock. I thought to myself.. I musta not put it in park.. I looked.. yeah it was in park. I had visions of the car rolling into some expensive vehicle and I'd have to pawn one of my grandsons to pay for the damage.. so I figured I'd try the whole process over again... same results. I'm still cool.. and thought well this piece of shit is just feelin her oats.. I'll mess with it when I get off work. I grab'd my purse and the papers that I had been working on for Barbara.. grasped the door handle and gave the door a shove with my shoulder... which was a stupid idea in the first place since I had been in gawd awful pain with my back, neck and shoulder for the last month. I was met with absolute resistance... not only did the door not open.. but I nearly blacked out from the pain. Shortly after I could focus again and I talked my lungs into breathing again, I realized.. "dumbass the damn door is locked". I'm pretty quick at times. This was just not one of those times. I looked around to see if there were anyone in the parking lot that I knew.. yeah but they weren't looking... whew! No biggie... just reach up and unlock the manual slide lock on the door.... It didn't budge. It didn't wiggle. It was stuck in sorta less than half unlocked position. Anyway.. it was STILL locked. I tried this manuver several times without budging it either forward or backwards. Now, not only am I hurting... I'm pissed. I called the car just about every dirty word and phrase I could muster. I began formulating several escape plans. One being.. I'll just roll down the window and climb out, however that idea quickly lost its glamour when I got to thinking of possible outcomes of that particular means of escape. I am a very visual person... Give me a suggestion... I can see it...And right now I did not like what I was see'n. I was wearing a short denim skirt and a light blue button up blouse. Now, much to the chagrin of my daughter... I don't wear panties. As a creature of habit... I was not wearing any that morning either. I didn't have much strength in my left side before I tried to break out of the car and I possessed even less now. I could see myself attempting the climb, my arm slip'n and I'd fall out of the window my foot get'n caught in the stirring wheel and I'd be hangin there... my head on the asphalt.. skirt up... no panties... well you get the picture. I began working on another plan... one that didn't involve accrobatics and exposing Miss Kitty to my co-workers. Aaaha! Why didn't I think of this before... call Bear!! He's a mechanic... he can get me out of this prison. I just love cell phones. I called him.. He answered... I told him... He laughed so hard he cut me off... He calls back... He asks, "Babe, you did what?" (laugh..laugh.. laughhhh... hysterical laughter) HE'S IN HOUSTON! He had the gaul to ask me, "Babe, why did you do that?" (I'm now devising a plan to hurt him... but I need his help so I put that particular venture on hold) He tells me to reach over and push open the lock. Speaking slowly, through my teeth I tell him, "I'm not stupid, we were married near 27 years, have you ever known me to be STUPID?" A pregnant pause... He told me to start the car, put it in gear and try it again. I've already done that.. but perhaps once more will do the trick. Did it. It didn't. I back up... I pull forward. I roll the window down. Here comes the kicker... the man tells me, "Babe, reach out and see if you can open it from the outside." Ok, now if I could open it from the outside with it locked, what's the purpose of locking it? Low and freak'n behold.. it still didn't open. I'm about to cry. I was gonna cry earlier but stayed myself. NOW I'm really gonna cry. Bear tells me, he has no idea what to do, he'll call me back and hangs up. HE HUNG UP!!! I'm locked in the car and he hangs up! I can multitask.. so I return to the plan to inflict harm on his person as I continue to whine, panic and push on the door. I decided to try the backing up thing again and found with the engine turned and in reverse I could manually unlock the door. YIPPI!!!!!!!!! I opened the door while still in reverse and pulled forward. I am freeeeeeeeeee! I was scheduled for 8 AM.. it is now 8:15. I went to the Associate lounge and poured me a cup of coffee and decided I was going to smoke a cigarette. My cell rings... I could tell he was still laughing. He asked if I were still trapped. I very sweetly told him "No, I got out, thank you". I've not given up on the pain thing for him at this time. I clock in and discover the register monitor has blown. Now, on another day that might have put me into a bad mood, but since I was now a free woman , I could laugh at it and did.
I make it through that day trying to make up some really creative lies that would explain as to why I was late for work. But I remembered that Bear's fiance works at the same Wal-Mart. Holy shit! It was gonna be told and still I wasn't so sure I hadn't been seen in the parking lot. I've found that when you know ur gonna be found out, its best to out yourself first. So I told the story about my morning events at lunch in the lounge. By my next break, several came up to me wanting clarification as to how I locked myself out of my car. Gawd! I had to verbally go through the whole sickening story over and over and... Several gentleman offered their services in case I were to ever lock myself IN my car again.
I'm trying to decide as to if I should tell Billy what he's getting himself into being as the wedding is only two weeks away. Sprite picks me up as soon as I clocked out and even though I had told her the story when she called at lunch... she made me relive the whole painful thing. Just as we were pulling into LaGrange, Billy phones my cell. I told him I'd understand if he changed his mind about marrying me. He was sweet and said he'd take his chances. I'm relieved. What a great guy. Great guy MY ASS! He called my son, Steven and told him play by play. Calls me back to gloat! On top of that.. he went into a chat room that we frequent, which has friends from all over the world in it and tells it there! I married him anyway. He deserves to be tortured for the rest of his life.
I am only telling.. retelling the painful story so that hopefully I have set the record straight... Yes, I locked myself IN the car!
later darlins...
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